IN the beginning……..

Let me cast your minds back, back to a time, the new millennium was between 20 and 30 years off, Man had just got the hang of space travel, New York had got that French idea of a “discotheque” and London had begun to experiment with Ska and punk rock.

Melbourne still closed at 5 p.m (except Fridays to 9) and Kings Cross Sydney was where every 18 yr old went to “experience staying out after 10.00 p.m.

We were “Living in the 70s” & “Singing in the 80s”

It was a time when those “Japanese” radios that our grandparents called “transistors” got smaller, or in some cases bigger. And as the ghetto blasters got bigger, and Cliff Richard was singing and now roller skating, radio stations were addictive and this in turn spawned the music video clips of now, with programmes like  “Solid Gold”,   “Top of the Pops” and “Countdown”starting to give radio a run for its money.

The dee jays were Gods.

Australia had Greg Evans, Gavan Wood, Jon Peters and Barry Bissell. We had 3XY, 3MP 2SM and when FM started, who could forget EON-FM. Britain had Kenny Everett and Steve Wright. From the USA, Rick Dees (Disco Duck) and to the world they gave

Casey Casem  - how can we forget (on 3DB)

“And now on with the countdown”

This is where the “cleavagedownunder” crew developed.

Back before stalking laws, back when Gary Glitter was only “friendly” towards his adoring teen fans, the CDU crew used to hang around the doors of the radio stations, to catch a “glimpse” of the Rock Jocks, the Shock Jocks and of course the spunk jocks. The CDU crowd over time developed a “Front Studio door” relationship and forged ahead to be the best groupies that Australia had ever seen. We knew the moves, we knew the songs and we loved the fame (or lack thereof really!) We ran the town -or so we thought!  The CDU crew developed:

Captain & Foxy Post gig Commodore Hotel Sandy 1982

 

Captain Fancypants

 

 

Betty Boobalicious

 

 

Freddie Uranus

 

 

Foxy Faberge

 

 

Chryssie De-Vinyl  (MIA)

 

 

Roger Roger

 

 

We so nearly won this from 3XY

 

THE BAND

As seen in these “now” photos, Captain Fancy pants, Betty Boobalicious, Freddie Uranus, Foxy Faberge, Chryssie De-Vinyl & Roger Roger (who has been shrunk – see bios) were alive for the music, or more for the chance to touch, steal or pretend to touch any of the DJ’s or other stars that graced the doors of the various radio or even TV studios.

They started off as ‘cute” to the Dj’s of the late 70’s and 80’s as it meant that people were listening to the tunes being spun!  A in turn,  “special” treats would be sent their way, like Molly Meldrums socks, a left over chip container once touched by Daryl Braithwaite (Roger’s Favourite) and free tickets to the Showgrounds concert to see John Farnham and Cold Chisel together. (Great version of When the War is Over)

The excess of the decade made the CDU crew the “Kings” of groupies and all did learn from them about the skill. A training book on groupies and watching stars was written by the band but never released (Freddie dropped the manuscript when Paul McCartney waved at him - Good one not!) We were the beat, Melbourne Radio was ours – or so it seemed! 

We considered a franchise sale of being ‘groupies’ to some in Sydney to keep us going up north! But alas, the dramas unfolded as the groupies became “too big for their ugg boots’ and started calling the shots. The problems developed. Calling “Hey Gav” to Mr Wood, an interview with TV week that we were bigger than “Perfect Match”, and that Dexter” was a washed up tin can, calling out “there goes Pete-O” To Mr Peters when he was leaving the sacred grounds of EON – FM, and worst of all, announcing to the world that Casey Casem was in fact – Shaggy from Scooby Doo.  It was the beginning of the end!

Then the Brandinvio and blackberry nips got bigger, Courage draught was made no more, causing a run to drink XXXX from Qld, in protest against Melbourne Brewery’s, then the biggest threat to the CDU group – “stalking laws”.

Little did our sexy six realise that the DJ’s had been plotting in the meanwhile.

One of the “not so nice ” Melbourne DJ’s with the other Melbourne DJ’s devised a scheme so devious, that it can only be revealed now. The group were all given *free tickets* by the producer of said DJ, to meet Kiss backstage at Festival Hall. Fame and stalking still were the primary goal of CDU, and the group did not realise that not only did this DJ now work at a “easy listening” station, but Kiss were actually playing at the new “tennis” entertainment centre. Fame and fortune (and a chance for that sacred autograph) had clouded the vision of our sexy six. Fate was to deal them a – cruel to be kind- blow!

The elaborate plan was hatched by the evil DJ’s for “payback” for our attitude, too familiar behavior, first name calling, demanding free tickets and the letters signed in blood. These letters were really frowned upon by said then DJ, earlier a lead singer of a famous Melbourne Band, as it was off a Skyhooks album some years earlier. (We gave them the idea, but that is another story!)

The DJ’s of Peters, Wood, Evans and Bissell  “lured” us, the intrepid CDU groupies into a dark deserted room at Festival hall, on the promise that we would be able to get a semi nude photo of each of us, with Gene and Paul. Once we had entered the secluded room, and the lights dimmed, we began to remove clothing (as was the belief held by Roger and Freddie) when a strange vapor entered the room. The devious secret society of DJ’s had enough of the group.

Little did the CDU crew know, at a recent DJ meeting called “where are they now?” Casey Casem toured and had met with the Aussie Contingent of DJ’s and explained how he had also “disposed” of pesky groupies in the USA after an idea from Scooby Doo’s episode “Scooby’s Night with a Frozen Fright”, the group were gassed with the evil voices of the DJ’s laughing in the darkness. They were all gathered there, the last of the DJ Groupies being “cryogenically frozen” and placed into the basement of “Festival hall”. (For our O/S cleevees fans – is a big concert hall in West Melbourne)

 

NOT the Palais; Festival Hall!

 

The idea of the group was to “teach the group a lesson” but like a defrosting “sunny Boy” evaporating on the radio shelf of life, the DJ’s popularity faded, not unlike the Leyland P-76, the Electric Pandas, or the City Square fountain and forgotten about. They all seemed to suddenly disappear like Christopher Skase (who probably employed them all anyway!) . As the years moved on,  “Hey Hey it’s Saturday” faded, Dexter from “Perfect Match” did in fact rust, 3KZ became Gold FM, and games shows were few and far between for the now struggling DJ’s. Even autograph signing sessions at shopping centers had all but dried up. It was not until Cold Chisel reformed at Festival Hall with a special “after show” party that most of our 70’s and 80’s DJ’s appeared in the same room for the first time, for some in 15 years.

It was not until then that the realisation by the Jocks that the CDU crew were still frozen under the stage . In a secret deal between the Chisel crew and the remaining DJ’s, the CDU members were plugged into the sound system and “defrosted” It proved to be a master stroke by the DJ’s and the Cold Chisel crowd allowed the DJ’s to “convince” the poor “Cleavagedownunder” crew that they were actually there for a Chisel concert and the fact they left looking like the majority of the crowd attending the 2006 Concert. It appeared to “Captain” that he had been duped. He contacted the DJ’s and set up a deal. If the CDU crowd kept quiet about the little “time warp” the earlier stalking by the band would be overlooked as long as long as the CDU became a band supporting the ways of old.

Captain, not knowing any better and forgetting that 15 odd years of cryogenetic freezing would probably be classed as “naughty” by authorities, formed Cleavagedownunder”. So the band now with lots of effort but no real skill continue in the traditions of all the world’s music show of the 70’s and 80’s mime the hits of then, to bring you the tone of the future.

Bring on “CLEAVAGEDOWNUNDER” We rock – we like to think so!

ALL in “Lipsyncorama” Definitely MIMESATIONAL

A summary in “musical” terms!

Finally a “parody” version in comments send in by none other than our good friend “Mini Boy” Axl, who suggested these lyrics to a well known 80’s song: Moved by your performance. Rewrote an old favorite for you.

SWEET CHILD OF MIME

He’s makin’ sounds that seem to me

Completely out of sync with what I see

And everything’s as fresh as nineteen eighty five

Now and then when I see that face

It takes me away to that special place

Where there’s so much makeup You’ll probably break out in hives

Oh, oh, oh, sweet child of mime Oh, oh, oh, oh, sweet love of mime

He’s got hair of the feathered kind

His clothes he has perfected Stonewash and spandex,

I think you’ll find They’re the ones the Salvos rejected

I’m reminded of a warm safe place where as a child I’d hide

And pray for the fashions of the eighties To quietly pass me by

Oh, oh, oh, sweet child of mime Oh, oh, oh, oh, sweet love of mime

Where do we go Where do we go now Where do we go Oh, oh Cleavage Downunder

That’s where we go That’s where we go now

Oh That’s where we go now No, no, no, no, no, no Sweet child Sweet child of mime